lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
