Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
