Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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