Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize