I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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