walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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