I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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