Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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