I love black thongs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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