I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
