Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
