So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
