I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
