you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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