I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
