I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
