ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize