I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
