If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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