I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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