so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
