Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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