I'm going to jail i love you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize