I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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