Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
