my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it hurts more in the daytime
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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