i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
