Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A bitchslap is in order.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
