You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
