his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
