Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
