He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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