Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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