Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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