you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just had sex on a roof
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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