His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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