Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
