How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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