beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
