I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
