I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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