i was born a porn star she said
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear god my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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