Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
