so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
