so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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