I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
