1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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