Did you just see the Batmobile???
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize