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• (937): View more from Ohio

  she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude

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• (718): View more from New York

  Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list

  (989): View more from Michigan

  haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?

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• (925): View more from California

  I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy

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• (714): View more from California

  Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Definitely not.

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• (646): View more from New York

  Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?

  (347): View more from New York

  He Who Must Not Be Named.

  (646): View more from New York

  Fuck you.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...

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