My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
