Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
