The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
