can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just pee around me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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