I'm jealous of your bromance
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
