Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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