Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize