dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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