remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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