Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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