You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
