A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
