I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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