Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
