i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
