I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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