I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
