He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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