If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
